Saturn Return Policy

Written and Performed by Jaxson Garni

Storyville - 185 Lonsdale Street Melbourne as part of Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024

Saturdays + Sundays every weekend of the festival at 2pm.

Nothing about Saturn is casual. The proverbial zaddy of the zodiac and sixth planet from the sun is astrologically associated with time, regulations, and boundaries. Which is why he's back at 27 and here to ruin your life.

It’s been a VERY big year for Jaxson. He lost his job, quit acting, started cross-dressing and went to the USA. Just in time for cross-dressing to get another lashing in the conservative media. Whoops.

Now, after surviving his 27th year (and the US), he stares down the barrel of his Saturn Return; which according to reddit, is like menopause for bored white people.

With one foot off the merry-go-round, Jaxson has questions about all this life stuff.

What happens to us when we die? If there was a war, would Australia survive because we can grow our own shit? Does my cat hate me because he’s homophobic? If someone is born every second, does someone cum every second? What’s the rules for being in a long term (open) relationship? Why don’t I feel comfortable telling people at my education job that I do drag because I’m scared they’ll equate me with a pedophile.  

Is Saturn Return even real, and if I don’t like it can I get a refund?

"Tastefully Outrageous" (4 stars)
- ArtsHub

“Jaxson has an easy manner and is a storyteller” - Weekend Notes

“Comedy Genius, Hilarious" (4.5 Stars)
- What Did She Think?

"Saturn is Lord of the right ear, the spleen, the bladder, the phlegm, and the bones."
- Ptolemy